Those who know me well know I will occasionally have a thought, question, or new life philosophy bloom in my head and I chew on them for months, occasionally years.

The past few weeks I have been spending time looking into personality, temperament, and coping strategies a lot more in effort to drive my own spiritual and emotional growth. Through this study and reflection, as well as through observation of behavior in others I have come up with a stark difference in how people respond to and view the word ‘should’.

This has been something I have chewed on for a couple weeks and I have some thoughts. We view the word ‘should’ through the lens of our temperament, personality, and coping strategies. I will start with what I have decided is my view/reaction to the shoulds that I encounter in my mind and from others. The first emotion/feeling I have with hearing/thinking ‘should’ is entrapment and an odd claustrophobic-like feeling and an immediate sprinkling of shame. I think this is grounded in trauma and personality for me. I don’t like external boundaries at all and ‘should’ feels like forced boundaries somehow. So, because if that, my immediate response internally is one of rebellion and escape. This is an great reaction when the should is something being forced on you, that is in fact not safe/healthy/wise. What I find interesting is that I have this reaction regardless of the ‘should’, even when it IS wise/healthy/safe. I see this in many areas of my life and it is often the origin of my innate stubbornness.

In others, I have noticed the opposite. ‘Should’ as an internal thought or a suggestion, for these people, is not an option/possible solution or even a choice. ‘Should’ means do it or face an unbearable amount of guilt or face the worst possible outcome/consequence guaranteed.

As with most things, the truth is in the middle and the implementation of any ‘should’, *should* be on a case by case basis. Meaning we *should* fully analyze the motivating factor/emotion, the values/goals of the one voicing the ‘should’,our internal dialog, and the possible outcomes/consequences. It’s interesting how much we learn about ourselves in analyzing how we approach the word ‘should’. Is it grounded in an unrealistic expectation of ourselves that we would never place on other people? Is it grounded in what someone else will think if we don’t? Is it grounded in fear, someone else’s value system, or our own? Is it grounded in taking on responsibilities that belong to someone else? Is it so we will be seen as the martyr?After thinking through this, I want to encourage you and myself to slowly consider the decisions I am making surrounding the ‘shoulds’ of my life and ensure that the origin, motivating factors, and my response are truly a result of Biblical discernment and nothing else.