Perseverance 

Perseverence is exhausting, but so worth it. When approaching anything in life giving up is a sure way to derail progress. When healing from trauma perseverance is key. Not only does it take perseverance to survive during the period of time that the trauma is occurring, it also takes perseverance to stay committed to the healing process.  It is easy to slip back into old habits and feel a pull to stay there where it is comfortable. But the unlocked freedom, clarity, and joy that is on the other side of healing is worth all the ups and downs you have to push through to get there.   It’s a daily, sometimes hourly, choice to continue on the healing journey when everything in you wants to stop.

Perseverance is a loaded word, it means falling, failing, backsliding and choosing to get up and try again. For me it means forgiving myself when I fall back into a depressed, paralyzed state and finding the energy to get up and try again over and over. The cool part is that each time I start again, I get back to a stable place faster. It is something I preach in OT to parents that watch their child regress with skills due to a seizure, growth spurt, illness, etc., once a skill is learned, even if regression occurs it’s much faster each time you have to relearn. 

I have learned that healing from C-PTSD is a constant cycle of regression, relearning, and regaining joy. It’s not easy and it’s extremely disappointing when you take steps backwards but deciding life and those you love are worth the process of  relearning again and finding joy.  

I think this is not only hard on the one doing the healing but also on those standing and going on the journey with them. Those that support you are kind of experiencing the trauma by-proxy and when there is a regression it is a sort of trigger for them that illicits fear…fear that things will be bad again, fear that you will give up, and just an overwhelming nervousness for the future.  

Letting those around you truly express their fears and disappointment with any step backwards is hard.  Your fighting a shame battle so discussing what you may view as failure is a trigger for the shame cycle that those with C-PTSD are often stuck in. But it is unfair to assume that those riding the rollercoaster with you aren’t going to have difficult times and negative emotions. Perseverance also means weathering the storms relationally that come from the rollercoaster that is healing. 

Learning to hear criticism and not retreat to a place that shame usually takes you to, a place of self hate and withdrawal, takes lots of perseverance. Being real with yourself about how your journey impacts those you love is a huge part of the journey. 

Imperfection, regression, mistakes, and causing pain are all a part of the healing journey that require us to get to a place of forgiving ourselves for “not healing fast enough or hurting others with our pain and length of the healing journey.”

Perseverance is truly the main thing between you an healing fully. Don’t give in to old patterns, it’s worth it keep going!