I’ve been looking deep into my core beliefs, what are they, why are they there? Have I absorbed them from my childhood, tv, America’s culture, mentors, the Bible??? I have found that some of the core beliefs that I make decisions from are never really uncovered completely….so do I even really know what beliefs are at the core of who I am??

There are some that are obvious to me and others I have had to dig for and I don’t always believe the belief that I find. (Weird I know, but hang with me…). 

As a Christian, one who has struggled with hard questions, been challenged internally and externally….I still choose Jesus as my Savior and on a deeper level now than ever before. However, I am still human and very influenced by what I see, hear, and experience. Therefore some of the beliefs that are at my core aren’t of Christ and can sometimes be the opposite of what the Bible teaches. 

The past 2 years have been about really unraveling who I am and what drives me.

Truths that I want to keep at the forefront of my heart and mind are:

1. We are saved by faith through grace. A gift extended to everyone.

2. This world is not as it was intended to be and it is not all there is. Thank goodness!

3. Love is a gift from God to be cherished, and true love is sacrificial. 

4. We all have struggles and we all have gifts.

5. Purpose of Life:  Personal growth and Glorifying God 

6. Forgiveness is free.

7. All emotion was created by God and serves a purpose in personal growth. 

8. There is a spiritual war occurring and there is evil in the world. 

9. A calm mind allows peace and joy to enter.  A busy, loud mind drowns our peace resulting in anxiety and chaos.

10. All people are complex and shaped by their experiences and beliefs, it is our job to love them.

False Truths I have found in my heart that have cause pain, loss, and misery:

1. Perfection is attainable. I’m just not dedicated enough, strong enough, good enough, etc.

2. I can control how things happen and don’t happen if I stay vigilant (hypervigilant) and in control. 

3. Achieving=worthiness & Failure=worthlessness 

4. Happiness as the world defines it is the goal of life. 

5. Mistakes cannot be forgotten or forgiven, we just have to ruminate on them constantly and drag them everywhere we go. 

Its amazing when when you sit with your thoughts and analyze what is truly at the root of them how many lies you find.  That is the devils best trick. There is power in learning that all our thoughts aren’t true and that often they are grounded in lies that we have blindly stored as truth in our hearts. 

Pausing to really look into your heart and mind to find false beliefs is hard and humbling but can immediately take the power of those lies away and replace it with peace and intentional living.  The hard part is that replacing the habits associated with those false beliefs is a much longer process, but so worth it.

 

 

 

 

 

The stages of healing from trauma are complex and most definitely don’t occur in a straight line. However, turning the corner to post-traumatic growth is a big step. Growth comes in lots of forms.  Using your story to help others is one way that growth can occur.  Acceptance of your story without shame attached when sharing it is a big step.

The part that is more difficult is identifying the habits, both emotional and cognitive, that are automatic. At one time these habits/coping strategies were important and served the purpose of survival, but once you have faced and moved through the process some of these become stumbling blocks.

I am am discovering that there are more stumbling blocks than I ever realized. Each time I uncover one and chase it all the way back to the source/origin, and inevitably find shame. It’s amazing that as much as you uncover and work on areas where shame has been overpowering, there always seem to be more to uncover. It is overwhelming when you realize all the tiny cracks and crevices that shame can hide in and disguise its self as other things. Trauma isn’t just this big hole in your heart like I thought it was.  It’s more like a cancer that sneaks into all areas and once you think you’ve uncovered and killed it, it shows up somewhere else. I am beginning to think that “healing” from trauma requires something like maintenance chemo. Staying aware and being intentional about self care, genuine introspection, time of prayer and reflection, and talking with those close to you is the prescription. If I am not intentional about that daily then the shame creeps into cracks and crevices so very quickly.

However, it is vital to hold onto the truth that God’s love is capable of penetrating deeper into all those cracks and crevices than shame ever could.  It’s there that His love can replace shame with His blessings of joy, peace, comfort, and worthiness. Spending time with Him and truly taking time for Him to refill your cup is essential. I often feel like my cup has cracks in it so it takes more time and more diligence to keep it full and if I am distracted it can become empty without me even noticing until I hit bottom. This still happens quite regularly.

Balance in life is essential for everyone, but the importance of balance and mindfulness when healing from trauma can be the difference between success and living in the darkness of the shadow of trauma.